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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514818">Go Team!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazookajo94/pseuds/bazookajo94'>bazookajo94</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Humor, M/M, Soft Neil Josten, Vixen Neil, a fic where neil doesn't find the foxes but the foxes find him, alternate universe - vixen neil, and neil is a little shit, chaotic neil, vixen neil is life, yes there's a christmas gift exchange and yes it's just as cringy as you imagine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:14:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazookajo94/pseuds/bazookajo94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Exy isn’t the only team holding tryouts today.”</p>
<p>“So?” Neil sneered. What did he care? What did he care about anything anymore, when the only person who had attempted to save him from his life just dismissed him in two minutes flat? What was left?</p>
<p>“So,” the girl said, smiling and holding her hands behind her back, “Ever heard of the Vixens?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>838</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Go Team!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>look i saw some fanart for vixen neil and i fell in love so hard i wrote a whole fic about it. i am in love with vixen neil and i'll write a million fics with him as a vixen swearonmemum. </p>
<p>some things to keep in mind for this fic: <br/>andrew is not medicated because i didn't want to write his rehabilitation so he's just not on them<br/>neil is socialized a little differently since he's surrounded by vixens and not foxes<br/>what is collegiate cheerleading like?? hell if i know (i don't. i don't know)<br/>andrew and kevin's deal in this is more like how andrew is around aaron and nicky because he didn't make his deal high off his ass and desperate for anything to live for, so kevin is still a part of his family but it's not such a constrictive relationship</p>
<p>also the ending isn't exactly what i wanted but i hope you enjoy it anyways</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You think I need someone like you on the team?”</p>
<p>“You think I want to be on this shitty, dysfunctional team?”</p>
<p>“You came to tryouts.”</p>
<p>“You asked me to be here.”</p>
<p>“Clearly a mistake.”</p>
<p>“Clearly.”</p>
<p>Neil, repressing the urge to punch Kevin Day in the face as he stared unimpressed at him, picked up his duffel bag and stormed out of the stadium. It hadn’t been <em>Neil </em>who sought out Palmetto, who had wrangled himself a tryout, who had demanded a chance to play. Kevin had found Neil at his podunk high school in Millport, AZ, and Neil knew he was screwed.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even played exy, though the high school coach had encouraged Neil to after seeing his mile times and general air of fitness and disposition for restlessness. But Neil, unwilling to draw attention to himself, refused. He spent his final year of high school renting a permanent room in a shady motel that didn’t ask questions, and a week before graduation, Kevin Day somehow found him in Millport, arms folded and glaring unimpressed at Neil.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Neil asked, stopping twenty paces from the man. The last time Neil had seen Kevin was when they were fourteen years old. Neil had been sold to the Raven’s exy team when he was ten by his father, and his mother, who had tried to spirit him away the night before the deal was finalized, was caught by the Moriyamas and subsequently killed in front of her infant child.</p>
<p>Neil was forced to watch her death, and then he was forced to play exy immediately after, in grueling and unjust ways and with a demanding and heartless team. He had little to no passion for anything anymore and often considered just giving up, and then he considered giving in, and then he remembered that the last act of his mother, the only person who ever showed any semblance of care toward him, had spent her last action trying to save him, so Neil decided he could try to save himself, too.</p>
<p>When he was fourteen and bleeding out on his bed in the Nest after a rough practice and a knife-heavy cool-down from Riko, Neil decided it was time to…go. Just go. And if he didn’t make it, he would make sure he died trying. He packed what he had and stole what he could and ran from the room trailing blood while he went, and Kevin Day, the boy who watched in his torment and shared his room, watched him leave and said nothing.</p>
<p>Neil, miraculously, survived his escape from the Nest and wondered why he hadn’t tried to escape earlier.</p>
<p>But, after two nights of running without stopping, someone caught up to him, and though Neil fought back and escaped, he realized that he was just property to these people, an investment, and if he wouldn’t come through, he would die.</p>
<p>And then his father’s people realized that Neil had escaped, and that the Moriyamas didn’t appreciate when things they bought were not what was promised, and so the Wesninskis were not only shamed but demoted, and so Neil had to run from them, too. And really, Neil was tired of running, so he agreed to go with Kevin when Kevin offered a chance at tryouts and an opportunity for a scholarship, a last ditch effort to save Neil’s life when Kevin had done nothing but watch the torture he had been subjected to for four years.</p>
<p>But Neil’s exy skills were so abysmal when he cared so little about a sport that had so catastrophically ruined his life since the moment he had started it that there was nothing to entice Kevin Day, exy extraordinaire, and so he kicked Neil out after dragging him across the country, and Neil had nowhere to go and nothing to do.</p>
<p>And he was so <em>mad.</em></p>
<p>Just as he was ready to storm back in and yell at Kevin some more for bringing him to this god-forsaken place, someone stepped up beside him, a little too close to be a casual accident.</p>
<p>Neil turned to whoever it was, taking a step back and frowning. It was a girl, and she was about the same height as Neil, with curly blonde hair pulled back into a large, velvet scrunchie, and what wasn’t skin exposed was a bright orange and white cheer uniform clinging tight to her body.</p>
<p>“What?” he demanded.</p>
<p>“I saw you in there,” she said, not daunted by Neil’s abrasive tone.</p>
<p>“And? Here to tell me what a mistake I am, too?”</p>
<p>Smiling, she took the step Neil had tried to take away from her and closed the space between them again. “Exy isn’t the only team holding tryouts today.”</p>
<p>“So?” Neil sneered. What did he care? What did he care about <em>anything </em>anymore, when the only person who had attempted to save him from his life just dismissed him in two minutes flat? What was left?</p>
<p>“<em>So,</em>” the girl said, smiling and holding her hands behind her back, “Ever heard of the Vixens?”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Andrew would not have acknowledged the Vixens at all if Kevin hadn’t taken one look at the gaggle of cheerleaders getting ready for practice and scoffed. And wasn’t that interesting, when Kevin Day only cared about two things: exy, and exy. </p>
<p>Nicky also perked up at the unexpected show of emotion toward anything not related to the sport. “What?” he asked. “What? Are you interested in one of them? <em>What</em>?”</p>
<p>Kevin shook his head and returned his attention to the exy court without acknowledging Nicky’s question.</p>
<p>“Kevin, seriously,” Nicky continued, not deterred by the silent treatment. His cousins were Andrew and Aaron, after all. “Who do you know that’s a Vixen?”</p>
<p>“Just a fucking idiot,” Kevin said, and then put his helmet on to effectively stop any more communication.</p>
<p>And Andrew would have been happy to forget about the whole pointless conversation, except that Kevin didn’t know anyone who wasn’t a Fox or a Raven, and if whoever was on the Vixens wasn’t a Fox (because Andrew and Nicky would know), then it had to be a Raven—and wasn’t <em>that </em>interesting.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“What’s your beef with Kevin?” Penny asked as she helped Neil through his stretches.</p>
<p>“I don’t have a beef with Kevin,” Neil answered, breathing through the pull of his muscles as he went through the Vixens intense workout. He was used to working out a different set of muscles and a different way to sport, but Neil found that he still enjoyed what the Vixens had to offer: a scholarship, a chance to participate without drawing a lot of attention to himself (who cares about cheerleaders?), and an attempt at a real life—for a little while, at least.</p>
<p>“Okay, honey,” Penny said in a condescending tone.</p>
<p>“Okay, honey,” Neil mimicked, and Penny pushed down hard on his back.  He wheezed through his laugh.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The cheer uniform was very tight. They had at first offered the summer outfit to him—tank top and shorts—but Neil had scars he wanted to hide and questions he wanted to avoid, so he told his coach—Belinda Layman—enough to appease her, and she allowed him to wear the long sleeve and pants combo of the winter cheer uniform. Neil had put it on in his shower stall. There weren’t a lot of boy Vixens, just three of them other than Neil, but Neil didn’t really care much for them.</p>
<p>After squeezing into the uniform (<em>is this really a medium?</em>), Neil left the shower stall and looked at himself in the mirror.</p>
<p>He didn’t normally wear such ostentatious coloring or such form fitting clothes, so he wasn’t sure how he felt. The muscles in his arms were filling out the more he conditioned to the Vixens workouts, and he thankfully couldn’t see the outlines of his scars through the fabric, though he kept running his hands over his chest and down his thighs self-consciously anyways. The uniform consisted of orange pants with a black and white stripe down the outside of each leg, and the shirt was orange on top and white on the bottom, intermittent with white and black stripes around his biceps and chest.</p>
<p>It had been a long time since Neil had looked at himself in a mirror. He didn’t have the money or the resources to get colored contacts, and day one Penny had seen his box of hair dye and demanded to know what his natural hair color was, and as soon as he had the answer dragged out of him, she immediately threw the box away and told him that she never wanted to see him ruin his “beautiful hair” again, so Neil took to avoiding mirrors.</p>
<p>He could only stand to look at his eyes for two seconds before nausea overtook him, so he ripped his gaze to his hair, the dark red of it a shade he hadn’t seen in five years.</p>
<p>Neil wasn’t sure who he was looking at in the mirror. He wasn’t sure why he said yes to the Vixens, why he let Penny bully him into throwing away the hair dye. Perhaps it was because he didn’t recognize himself that he felt some sort of ease flow through him.</p>
<p>Maybe no one else would recognize him, too.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It was the first exy game of the season, and Andrew hadn’t pursued the Kevin-Vixen mystery because he couldn’t understand it enough to care. He had looked at all the bubbling, bumbling women, dismissed them all as vapid and pointless, and decided that if Kevin knew any of them, his already dwindling respect for the man would plummet even more. Kevin’s crippling fear of the Ravens was hard enough for Andrew to tolerate; he didn’t need to deal with whatever complicated feelings Kevin harbored for some “fucking idiot” on the cheer team.</p>
<p>Kevin hadn’t even spared the Vixens a glance when they entered the pitch, so Andrew assumed that meant it was the end of things.</p>
<p>After the game (a win, 7–5), when the Vixens and fans swarmed the field to celebrate with the players, Andrew lost sight of his teammates as he took his time leaving the goal. He would have gone straight to the showers, except he spotted Kevin in a heated discussion with a male cheerleader in tight orange pants and a tight orange shirt. And how had Andrew missed that when he was surveying the Vixens earlier? Most of them were trying to show as much skin as possible.</p>
<p>Andrew stepped to Kevin’s side and felt a little blindsided when the Vixen turned his ice blue eyes to glare at him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Who’s your friend?” the blonde man drawled after looking his fill at Neil.</p>
<p>Neil studied the blonde man in return—short, muscular, hazel eyes, bored expression—before turning back to Kevin.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Neil asked again. Kevin had grabbed his arm while Neil had been trying to avoid both his teammates and the Foxes and the people from the crowd. He had just jerked his arm out of Kevin’s grasp when Kevin’s teammate approached.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Kevin asked Neil, ignoring his friend.</p>
<p>“Going to shower.”</p>
<p>Kevin didn’t like that answer. He narrowed his eyes. “Neil.”</p>
<p>Neil glared right back. “Kevin.”</p>
<p>“Why are you still here?”</p>
<p>“<em>You </em>brought me here.”</p>
<p>“I thought you’d leave; isn’t that what you do best?”</p>
<p>Neil, surprised at the cruel tone in Kevin’s voice, switched to French.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew was surprised.</p>
<p>He did not like surprises.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“What do you want from me? I have nowhere else to go, and you literally flew me out here for exy.”</p>
<p>“You’re going to get us both killed. I could have maybe kept you safe if you were on the team, but not anymore.”</p>
<p>“How am I going to get us <em>both </em>killed? They already know you’re here. As long as you keep your mouth shut, maybe they won’t know I’m here, too.”</p>
<p>Kevin switched back to English. “They want you dead, Neil.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? Who doesn’t,” Neil snapped, also in English, and then turned around and walked away. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Oh, Kevin,” Andrew said, watching the angry Vixen—Neil—walk away. “You are in so much trouble.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Inexplicably, as soon as Andrew had seen him once, he suddenly could not stop seeing Neil everywhere he went.</p>
<p>On his way into Fox Tower, Neil would be leaving.</p>
<p>On his way to class, Neil would be staring into space on one of the outdoor benches.</p>
<p>On his way to the student center for food, Neil would be asleep on a text book.</p>
<p>Neil never acknowledged Andrew’s presence.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It took Kevin’s friend a week of being ignored until he cornered Neil and pushed him up against a wall. There wasn’t anything too threatening about the man, other than the size of him and the oddly intimidating black armbands. He had simply pushed Neil up against the wall and then stayed in his space, opting not to touch him at this particular intimidation attempt.</p>
<p>He didn’t even look interested in Neil, even with the forceful push and crowding space. He stared, bored, into Neil’s eyes and waited.</p>
<p>Yeah, well, Neil could wait, too.</p>
<p>“Are you with them?” the man asked after Neil didn’t move or say anything for three minutes.</p>
<p>“I’m with no one.”</p>
<p>“Why would Kevin want you?” Despite Neil’s desire to remain as void as the man questioning him, hearing of Kevin’s initial interest in him, only for him to be turned away, rankled. The blonde man seemed to notice the tensing in Neil’s expression, but he didn’t react to it. Just waited.</p>
<p>Annoyed, Neil parried, “Why would Kevin want <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>“Kevin is afraid of an old shadow.”</p>
<p>“Kevin is afraid of everything.”</p>
<p>“Answer my question.”</p>
<p>“As soon as you answer mine.”</p>
<p>The man continued to stare into Neil’s eyes, searching. He didn’t seem to find anything, because he asked, “Why? So you can ask for my protection, too?”</p>
<p>Disgusted at the confirmation of Kevin’s cowardice, even after all this time, Neil frowned. “I don’t need anything from you.”</p>
<p>Undeterred, the man asked another question. “Why did Kevin search so hard for you, a nobody from Shithole, Arizona?”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you go with him to find me, if you’re such a good guard dog?”</p>
<p>“I don’t owe Kevin everything.”</p>
<p>“Then why are you here?”</p>
<p>“I’m curious why an owned man who ran away isn’t dead.”</p>
<p>Neil had figured that the friend asked Kevin about Neil’s life story, though he’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel about some strange man knowing everything about him. Hiding his discomfort, Neil leaned forward into the man’s space, just a little, and said softly, “I’m sure by May, I will be.”</p>
<p>The man didn’t flinch away from Neil, but Neil saw something flash in his eyes briefly, something like annoyance. Neil repressed a smile, not wanting to push his luck as the close proximity alerted Neil to the knives tucked away in the man’s black armbands.</p>
<p>The man said, “If you were raised a Raven, why are you so bad at exy?”</p>
<p>Neil shrugged, refusing to think of all the practices he went to with broken bones and open wounds. “Maybe my talents lie elsewhere.”</p>
<p>“As a Vixen?” There was a hint of bemusement in his tone, and Neil couldn’t hide his smile this time.</p>
<p>Neil pushed off the wall and slid away from the short, angry man without touching him. He turned to walk backwards, away from the man but still facing him. He put two fingers to his temple and saluted. “Go team!” Neil mock-cheered, and then he turned around and walked away, unsure of what he was supposed to do now.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew walked away from his interaction with Neil almost annoyed enough to be angry.</p>
<p>Andrew decided he didn’t like Neil Josten.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Okay, was anyone going to tell me there was a cute Vixen boy, or was I just supposed to almost run into him myself?”</p>
<p>No one said anything. They were crammed into Andrew’s car on their way to the stadium to play their second game of the season, and no one had anything to say about the new Vixen except Nicky.</p>
<p>“Seriously,” Nicky went on. “I see the dude around the tower, and he wears, like, baggy shirts and faded jeans, and then suddenly it’s game day and I can see the contours of his ass? What the fuck? Where has he been all my life?”</p>
<p>“Nicky, shut up,” Aaron grumbled from the backseat.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Hey, we can do taunting cheers, right?” Neil asked Penny after they got the crowds riled up for the game.</p>
<p>“Wow, Neil wants to willingly cheer?” Melissa asked before Penny could reply. “Color me <em>shook</em>.”</p>
<p>Everyone moved on as if Melissa hadn’t said anything. “Sure, we sometimes egg on the other team,” Penny answered, voice somewhat hesitant. </p>
<p>“How about for our own team?”</p>
<p>“You wanna egg on the Foxes?” Kendra asked. Neil didn’t turn away from Penny (mostly because he didn’t really care about anyone on the team except Penny) and waited.</p>
<p>“What’s the goalie’s name?” Neil asked, and Penny, bless her, grinned manically.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil must know Andrew’s name now, because suddenly the Vixens were doing a jaunty routine and chanting his name, <em>Andrew, Andrew, he’s our man, if he can’t block it, Renee sure can!</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Andrew, Andrew, flick that stick! Don’t let them score, or else you’re a dick!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Minyard in the goal, Minyard on the pitch, Minyard blocking goals, cuz he ain’t no bitch!</em>
</p>
<p>“What the fuck is up with them today?” Seth asked, annoyed. He wasn’t addressing anyone in particular, but his voice was loud enough for Andrew to hear. Seth also stole a glance back at Andrew, and Andrew. Well.</p>
<p>If Neil wanted to fight, then they’d fight.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, my dove, love the enthusiasm and improvised chants, but I’m pretty sure they lost us the game.”</p>
<p>Belinda (she refused to be called Coach) said to him after the game. None of the Vixens seemed very happy with him, but Neil didn’t care, and probably they could tell that, too.</p>
<p>“Maybe we just won’t cheer only for Andrew next time,” Penny suggested, as she was the only one not upset with Neil.</p>
<p>Neil shrugged. Strangely enough, even with the squad annoyed at him and having lost the game, Neil felt, for the first time probably ever in his life, happy at something he’d done.</p>
<p>“Maybe we won’t,” he agreed and surprised himself when he meant it.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil was sitting in the student center, sipping a can of soda and working through a chapter in a text book when someone came up to him and smacked the can out of his hand. Neil, unfazed (because who else would it be?), turned and watched the fizzy drink pool on the ground. His hands were sticky now.</p>
<p>Neil looked up and met an annoyed Kevin’s gaze. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kevin snapped. Neil glanced behind Kevin and saw Andrew beside his twin and one other man, who was fanatically waving at Neil. Neil did not wave back.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” Neil answered, meeting Kevin’s gaze again. “I guess I’m kind of thirsty—”</p>
<p>“Did you join the Vixens just to piss me off?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Kevin closed his eyes. “This is serious, Neil.”</p>
<p>“This is serious, Neil,” Neil said, high and mocking.</p>
<p>It seemed the excited man in the back couldn’t hold in his excitement anymore. “Hi, I’m Nicky!”</p>
<p>“Nicky, shut up,” Andrew’s twin said.</p>
<p>Kevin closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath.</p>
<p>Neil looked at Andrew, who tapped two fingers to his temple and said, deadpan, “Go team.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Kevin can win, Kevin can strike, come on, Dolphins, take a hike!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Kevin’s so big, Kevin’s so scary, he’d probably run faster if his legs weren’t so hairy!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Mayday, Mayday, big Day on the court! Mayday, Mayday, big Day’s fallin’ short!</em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, seriously, we want the teams to be <em>encouraged</em> by our chants.”</p>
<p>“The Foxes won, didn’t they?”</p>
<p>“Kevin looked ready to punch you in the face.”</p>
<p>“To be fair, most people look that way around me.” </p>
<p>“God, I’m so glad our next game is the soccer team because you don’t antagonize <em>them.</em>”</p>
<p>“Don’t tempt him, Heather!”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil shared his room in Fox Tower with Penny and her sister, Rae, who was not a part of the Vixens but was a part of the volleyball team. When they weren’t in class or practicing drills or sleeping, Neil spent his time with his roommates watching romantic Korean dramas on Netflix or random cooking shows on YouTube.</p>
<p>They often tried to make him change his wardrobe—“Please, Neil, I can’t look at this ugly gray sweater anymore, please, I’ll burn it”—and though he never relented to wear anything less than baggy, he did allow them to pick out different colors, which is how Andrew found him on a Thursday afternoon, sitting on the ground next to the vending machine in an oversized light pink sweater and his running shorts.</p>
<p>“What the fuck,” Andrew greeted.</p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Neil answered, because he didn’t feel like explaining that Penny and Rae were trying to force him into a crop top and he had fled the room before he could change into appropriate attire.</p>
<p>Though Neil didn’t have as many scars on his legs as his torso, there were still a few slashes and burns on the tops of his thighs that he didn’t like to show off, but sitting on the ground had made the shorts ride up, and Andrew glanced down and stared.</p>
<p>“Keeping secrets?” he asked casually, as if Kevin hadn’t told him what Riko did to Neil on a day-to-day basis. Maybe Kevin hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Hardly as subtle as black armbands, I know,” Neil said, just because he was annoyed at being exposed and wanted to hurt Andrew a little. </p>
<p>Andrew’s expression closed off immediately, and then he ripped his gaze away from Neil and walked away.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>If Andrew could just pretend that Neil never spoke words at any given time, he might be able to tolerate him, might be able to handle seeing him in a giant pink sweater and tiny running shorts and not want to immediately kill him when he opens his mouth.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast, but Matt’s got them on the slip, they’re hanging on from ropes! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Boyd wants to win, Boyd hates to lose, don’t let us down, we’ll reward you with booze! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Roses are red, Vixens are vicious, if we don’t win this game, Foxes are sleeping with the fishes! </em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Nothing bad to say about Boyd, huh?”</p>
<p>“He’s nice.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, my dude, sick chants today! Thanks for the shout-out!”</p>
<p>“How is it that everyone knows I’m making up the chants?”</p>
<p>“Sweet summer child, the Vixens didn’t chant at the exy games at all until you showed up.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew overheard a few of the Vixens hissing about Neil. <em>He’s rude, he’s mean, he’s only nice to Penny, why does he only care about the exy games, doesn’t he hate exy?</em></p>
<p>When Andrew found Neil catnapping on an outdoor bench in front of the student center, he loomed over him and said, “No one likes you.”</p>
<p>Neil didn’t even open his eyes. “No one likes you, either.”</p>
<p>“How your teammates trust you to hold them on their shoulders is beyond me.”</p>
<p>“They make sure they struggle on the way down.”</p>
<p>“Is that why the black eye?”</p>
<p>Neil shrugged.</p>
<p>“You won’t get them back?”</p>
<p>“I don’t even care.”</p>
<p>Suppose Andrew wouldn’t care either, if he was going to be dead in a few months.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Dan asked Neil to come to the fall banquet with her. He had spent a few movie nights with Matt and his girlfriend from the exy team since his shout-out match to Matt, and he definitely considered them better friends than he was with the Vixens.</p>
<p>“You won’t go with Matt?” he asked, confused.</p>
<p>“Matt’s taking someone else so that I can take you.”</p>
<p>“Um?” He wasn’t sure how to properly convey his confusion. Maybe he understood less about dating than he thought.</p>
<p>“We want you to come, Neil,” Dan said in soft and entreating tones, though there was humor in her eyes. “We think it’ll be more fun with you there.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Well. Thank you?”</p>
<p>Matt snorted. “See? More fun already.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>On Halloween, Penny and Rae made Neil dress up like a pirate. They bought the costume and they put on the makeup and Neil clutched the plastic hook in his hand and scratched his unlined eye under his eyepatch and walked his roommates outside so they could get in a car with their friends and go to a party that he was invited to but declined to go to.</p>
<p>He watched the car drive away and wondered how he would occupy his time this evening when someone wolf-whistled at him.</p>
<p>He turned and found Nicky, dressed as a wolf, grinning at him. “Damn, Neil. I can be your booty for tonight, if you want.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, Nicky,” Aaron said (Neil knew the twin’s name now not through any work of his own but because Katelyn was secretly dating Aaron and mentioned him often) but didn’t stop his walk to the car. He was wearing a flannel shirt and carrying a fake axe, and Neil spotted Andrew just coming out the tower, wearing a black shirt and black pants and big boots and a giant red cloak. He was staring at Neil.</p>
<p>“What big eyes you have?” Neil said, unable to understand the expression on Andrew’s face but feeling like he had to say something.</p>
<p>“Let’s go,” Andrew said, and then he walked to his car as if he knew Neil would follow.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew <em>really </em>hated Neil Josten. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Why is Neil here?”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Kevin. Obviously he’s here to get some.”</p>
<p>“Nicky, stop. Seriously, Andrew, why is Neil here?”</p>
<p>“Obviously I’m here to get some.”</p>
<p>“<em>Neil. </em>Andrew. Answer me.”</p>
<p>“Are we there? Like, are we there yet? I don’t want to be in this car anymore.”</p>
<p>“Oh, boo, Aaron, you’re such a party pooper. Ha, ha, get it? <em>Boo.</em>”</p>
<p>“I want to die.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil had never been to a club before, and he couldn’t say he wasn’t overwhelmed by the flashing lights in a dark room with pulsing bodies and the smell of alcohol and the fact he didn’t know if he was standing up or sitting down even though he hadn’t had anything to drink—not even water—and maybe he was dehydrated?</p>
<p>Nicky and Aaron had disappeared to dance and Kevin was drinking and cursing Neil’s name (<em>but why, tho</em>), and Andrew was sitting at the table and downing shots and Neil was watching the light dance in Andrew’s hair.</p>
<p>“What,” Andrew said. He hadn’t looked at Neil all night, not since they walked into the club, but he must have felt Neil watching him because Neil hadn’t done anything else.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Neil answered.</p>
<p>Andrew finally turned to meet Neil’s eyes. They weren’t much to each other, barely even enemies, barely anything at all, but Neil found that he liked being here this night, liked being with these people, at this place, in this costume, at this school. He didn’t even mind that Kevin started more vocally cursing Neil, demanding, “Why are you <em>here</em>?” over and over, and Neil, not looking away from Andrew, answered, “I have nowhere else to go.”</p>
<p>And Andrew blinked like he understood.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Hey Gordon, you’re so fly, you’re so fly but you lose your mark, hey Gordon!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Here come the Bearcats, ready to score! Too bad their strikers are poorer than poor!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seth’s fallen, he’s plunged, he’s down in the mud—wake up, Seth, it’s time to win, bud!</em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Seth glared at Neil the entire trip to the banquet.</p>
<p>Neil sat beside Dan and Matt on the bus and chatted about their classes. He spotted Andrew sitting in the back with his family and their dates. Andrew sat beside a girl with a soft smile and pastel colored tips in her hair.</p>
<p>Allison, Seth’s date and girlfriend? Neil couldn’t tell, followed Neil’s gaze to the back of the bus. She said, “Are you friends with the monsters?”</p>
<p>Neil frowned. “The who?”</p>
<p>She gestured to Andrew and his lot. “The monsters.”</p>
<p>“Um. I mean, I guess?” Allison rolled her eyes and Matt started in on an anecdote about one time Andrew holding a knife against Nicky’s throat in the locker room after Nicky alluded to forcibly “getting some” from Kevin after they first met.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure if it was jealousy or just, like, Andrew’s weird brand of protection, but there was a knife, and it was scary.”</p>
<p>Neil could understand the fear of a knife, but he still wasn’t convinced that Andrew deserved to be called a monster, not when it was clear he didn’t let anyone come near his family in any capacity—Aaron unable to date, allusions to an almost fight Andrew was in when some homophobes tried to go after Nicky, Kevin and Andrew’s weird, protective relationship.</p>
<p>Maybe if Neil had been on the exy team, he’d understand better; maybe he’d understand why Andrew didn’t tolerate anyone except his own family (and sometimes not even them), why he didn’t seem to care about exy but played so well, why he appeared to hate Neil yet kept finding ways to talk to him, why he wouldn’t care about a dumb banquet and yet accepted a date invitation from a girl wearing a cross necklace and a kind smile.</p>
<p>As if feeling his thoughts, Andrew’s bored gaze slid and met Neil’s. They stared at each other in the dark light of the bus, conversation filtering around them, bumps in the road, and Neil tried to see the monster Andrew was supposed to be.</p>
<p>When neither looked away from each other for the rest of the bus ride, Neil figured that even if he wasn’t on the team, perhaps he understood enough.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Penny and Rae had somehow found a dark orange suit at a thrift shop for Neil to wear for the banquet tonight. Neil didn’t know when he stopped caring about the colors he wore to try and blend into a crowd—probably when he was forced daily to wear bright orange and white and show off every curve and cut of his figure and hung around a group of girls who didn’t care about much of anything (good or bad) that Neil found he didn’t care about much of anything anymore, either.</p>
<p>So what if his outfit was an obnoxious dirty orange and smelled like dust even after three washes. So what if Kevin didn’t want him on the exy team. So what if Riko was at this banquet and would know where Neil was and could effectively kill him.</p>
<p>Neil had told Andrew that by May (a month he had pulled right out of his ass in a fit of anger) he’d be dead. Having a deadline made living the rest of his life a little easier. He’d make sure he’d stay alive until May, fight whatever fight he had left in him, and then maybe he’d go to the FBI, or maybe he’d kill Riko himself, or maybe he’d stumble into his dad’s hands and return to the earth the way he had been entered into it—by the will of his father.</p>
<p>Whatever. Neil didn’t care anymore.</p>
<p><em>Go team, </em>he thought, and then Dan linked her arm with his and he let her steer him into the banquet room.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“How is he not freaking out?” Kevin asked no one in particular. As soon as the Foxes found out their seating arrangements set them across the table from the Ravens (who hadn’t arrived yet), they scrambled to appease Kevin while staying out of Andrew’s way.</p>
<p>“Why isn’t who freaking out?” Dan asked. “You? Because you’re definitely freaking out if you’re talking in the third person.”</p>
<p>Kevin shook his head, still staring at the door the Ravens would undoubtedly be entering from. “No, Neil.”</p>
<p>“<em>Neil</em>? Why in the ever loving fuck would <em>he </em>be freaking out? It’s not like <em>he </em>ran away from the Ravens.”</p>
<p>“Um—”</p>
<p>Andrew pinched Kevin’s wrist. Kevin yanked his arm out of Andrew’s reach and glared at Andrew but kept his mouth shut.</p>
<p>On the other side of Andrew, Renee stared. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Andrew ignored her.</p>
<p>On the other side of Kevin’s date sat Dan, and the other side of Dan sat Neil, who was arranging his forks and knives in a manner that seemed more offensive (as in, ready for a fight) than for eating. Andrew watched him, and when Neil looked up and found him staring, he grinned at Andrew.</p>
<p>It was not a nice smile.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When Riko came in, he sat across from Kevin and postured and mocked. Neil didn’t draw attention to himself, but he didn’t hide, either.</p>
<p>Jean recognized him first. “Nathaniel,” he said, shock unbidden in his voice but quiet enough that no one noticed the recognition in Jean’s tone.</p>
<p>Jean immediately began speaking in French. “You cannot be here.”</p>
<p>“I hadn’t thought you cared.” Jean was in as much shit with the Ravens as Neil, but they hadn’t found comfort in each other in the Nest. Perhaps they would have eventually, if Neil hadn’t left when he did.</p>
<p>Alas, they were not friends, and Jean’s wry smile reflected that. “Only a little. You should leave immediately.”</p>
<p>“Or what? The Master will take me? Riko will hurt me?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“They can’t. To everyone else, it’ll look like kidnapping.”</p>
<p>“The Moriyamas are not everyone else.”</p>
<p>“If they take me from here, I will fight back. I will scream.”</p>
<p>“Will you?”</p>
<p>And that’s when Riko joined the conversation.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>In addition to French, Neil knew Japanese.</p>
<p>The Foxes and their dates watched, rapt, as Neil drawled lazily at Riko in the foreign language, as if the man hadn’t tortured him for four years, and he must have said something offensive, because Kevin flinched and Riko stopped smiling.</p>
<p>“You should not say such things to me, Nathaniel,” he said in English.  </p>
<p>“You should not say such things to me, <em>Neil</em>,” Neil mimicked, and Kevin choked on his water. Neil laughed.</p>
<p>He was the only one laughing.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Kevin went to find Coach Wymack. Neil started to cut into the pork on his plate. He stared Riko dead in the eye as he took a bite.</p>
<p>By the time Wymack came back and demanded the Foxes to move to their new table, Neil slipped away to the restroom and vomited all the food he just ate in the toilet. He moved to the sink to rinse his mouth and splash cold water on his face, and when he looked up from drying his face with a stiff paper towel, he saw through the mirror that Andrew was behind him, leaning against the stall door with folded arms and a blank expression. Neil met his gaze through the mirror.</p>
<p>“They’re going to kill you,” Andrew told Neil.</p>
<p>“I know,” Neil said.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That night, on their way to the bus after the rest of the uneventful banquet, Riko tried to corner Neil and drag him away. He placed a heavy hand on Neil’s bicep and squeezed, pulling him from the crowd.</p>
<p>Andrew stepped forward and held a casual knife to Riko’s stomach. Riko, after a moment’s pause, dropped Neil’s arm and grinned, but it was not a friendly smile, and his eyes were enraged. Someone came forward to pull Neil away after Riko let him go, but Andrew didn’t look back to see who it was.</p>
<p>“Must you take all my things?” Riko asked, glaring at Andrew.</p>
<p>“Only when they’re not yours.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When they got on the bus, Andrew’s date—Renee, Neil finally now knew what Renee looked like outside of the field and without a helmet—sat beside Dan before he could and smiled up at Neil.</p>
<p>After a minute, Neil continued down the bus and sat beside Andrew, even though the rest of his group was sitting one to a seat. Andrew turned, graced him with a brief, unimpressed glance, and then returned to staring out the window.</p>
<p>They sat in silence all the way back to campus, but they walked together into the tower and separated in the elevator.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“How did it go?” Penny asked when Neil walked in.</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There was a knock on Neil’s door Friday night. Penny answered in her fluffy sheep pajamas. They all wore them, Penny, Rae, and Neil, fluffy white shirts and fuzzy white pants and large slippers that looked like sheep (it was Rae’s idea), and they were watching an anime when the knock came.</p>
<p>“Oh!” she said once she opened the door. “Um, hi. Are you…here for Neil?” There wasn’t an answer, and, intrigued because he was pretty sure he knew who it was, Neil walked up behind Penny and found Andrew and Nicky standing at the door.</p>
<p>“Oh my God, Neil, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you?” Nicky said as soon as he took in Neil’s appearance, and Neil remembered that the girls were also doing a facial scrub, so he had thick, green stuff smeared all over his face, a bright orange headband (courtesy of Penny) pushing the hair back from his face, and his nails were a freshly painted orange. Andrew did not react to Neil’s appearance.</p>
<p>Neil ignored Nicky and stared at Andrew, expectant. “We’re leaving,” he said, and Neil nodded. He left Nicky and Andrew at the door as he went to wash his face and change his clothes, but Rae shook her head and made him go back to his room after his first choice of outfit, and then he came back again wearing a black shirt and black pants and bright orange shoes.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back later,” he told his roommates, and Andrew said, “No.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be back tomorrow,” Neil tried again, and when Andrew didn’t say anything, nodded to Penny and Rae’s confused looks before closing the door behind him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>They stopped at a diner and Neil noticed some shady dealings happen with some napkins, and then they stopped at the club and for some reason ate some cracker packets before Nicky and Aaron disappeared on the dance floor and Kevin stared blankly into the crowd.</p>
<p>“Drugs?” Neil guessed, and Andrew shrugged.</p>
<p>“For Aaron.”</p>
<p>“Because he likes drugs?”</p>
<p>“Because he used to do worse.”</p>
<p>Neil hummed.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew passed the night in quiet solitude with Neil. He considered disappearing into the crowd, finding Roland for a few stolen minutes, but then he’d look at Neil and remember how he found him when he knocked on his door, looking so soft and warm and fluffy, and Andrew would toss back another shot and wish the cracker dust worked on him better so he could stop feeling all…this.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That night, Andrew pushed a key into Neil’s hand and didn’t say a word about it, but something warm flooded Neil’s chest as he shoved the key deep inside his pocket.</p>
<p>He slept on the couch that night, but he’d slept in worse places.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Allison Reynolds, queen of the court, she’s mean and she’s rich and she’s boss at this sport!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who you gonna call when the Hedgehogs come calling? Allison, of course, she knows all about brawling!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Come on Fox fans, repeat our shtick! When someone’s playing foul, kick ‘em straight in the dick!</em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Wow, Neil, that last chant was…inspired.”</p>
<p>“Inspired by you.”</p>
<p>“I’ve never kicked someone in the dick.”</p>
<p>“You can’t lie to a liar.”</p>
<p>“Are you offering?”</p>
<p>“My general air as a person would imply that I am at all times asking for a punch in the face or a kick in the dick.”</p>
<p>“You’re too good for the Vixens, Neil. You should have been a Fox.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Allison.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew found Neil asleep in the grass under a tree.</p>
<p>“Do you not sleep at night?” he asked, standing over him and smoking a cigarette.</p>
<p>Neil tilted his head up to look at Andrew for a moment before falling back down. He draped an arm over his eyes. “Do you?” he countered.</p>
<p>Andrew flicked ash in his direction, but the taunt was wasted since Neil wasn’t looking at him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The Vixens had an event on Friday, but Andrew was being pretty adamant about bringing Neil with him to Eden’s Twilight (the name of the club, Neil eventually learned) every Friday since that first time.</p>
<p>Neil didn’t have a phone to text on, not that he had Andrew’s number, and he didn’t want a phone, anyways. So Neil went to Katelyn. He eventually found her in the library, studying alone with headphones in. She smiled at Neil’s approach and paused her music.</p>
<p>“Can you text Aaron for me?” he asked, not bothering to sit down when Katelyn gestured for him to.</p>
<p>Katelyn seemed a bit baffled by the request, especially since Neil didn’t engage socially with the Vixens unless their names were Penny or they spoke to him first.</p>
<p>“Oh! Um, sure?”</p>
<p>“Tell him to tell Andrew I won’t be there Friday.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure if it’ll…I mean, they don’t really like each other. And Andrew doesn’t like me.”</p>
<p>Neil shrugged. He didn’t really like Katelyn, either. “I don’t have a phone and I don’t know which room is theirs. It’s fine if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s okay! I’ll text him.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil was packing an overnight bag for his meet when Penny knocked on his door and said he had company. He told her to send them in, and then Andrew entered his room and closed the door behind him.</p>
<p>They stared at each other for a minute before Neil went back to rolling his socks into his duffel.</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t like Aaron,” Andrew said eventually. </p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p>When Andrew didn’t say anything more and Neil finished packing, he turned and took a few steps closer to Andrew so he could stand in front of him, close enough to touch.</p>
<p>Andrew looked at Neil for a long time before he brought up his hands and curled them around Neil’s neck, his thumbs resting on Neil’s pulse. “You would think someone with so many people after him would have a cellphone.”</p>
<p>“You would think.”</p>
<p>Andrew hummed, and then he pressed a tiny amount of pressure where his thumbs rested, enough that Neil felt a faint, unpleasant buzz, but he didn’t push Andrew away.</p>
<p>“I won’t be there tonight,” he told Andrew.  </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“Have fun. Don’t wreck your car. I hear it cost a lot of money.”</p>
<p>“What’s the price of a dead mother?”</p>
<p>“Slavery and a life on the run.”</p>
<p>Andrew hummed again, and then he moved his hands from Neil’s neck down to his chest. “Come to Thanksgiving with us,” he said, palms resting on Neil’s chest, one over his heart and the other just beside it.</p>
<p>“Where?”</p>
<p>“Abby’s house.”</p>
<p>“Who’s Abby?”</p>
<p>Andrew didn’t answer. He stared at his hands on Neil’s chest for a quiet minute, and then he dropped his hands and left.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I’m thankful for all this food and for my cousins and for Wymack and for Neil, who isn’t even a Fox but still found his way here, anyways.”</p>
<p>“Nicky, shut up, we’re not doing that.”</p>
<p>“What, Aaron, I can’t be thankful?”</p>
<p>“Be thankful on your own time.”</p>
<p>“Coach, c’mon, aren’t you thankful for anything?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Kevin?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Neil?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“God, I hate this family.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That night, Neil joined Andrew out on the porch and shared a cigarette with him, though he didn’t like the taste or the experience or anything about it, really, except that the smell of it reminded him of Andrew.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Nicky runs fast, Nicky runs slow, Nicky would probably do better if his pants weren’t so low!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nicky’s got fans, and not a one of them lazy, but I can’t say I’m one when Hemmicks me so crazy!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>C’mon, Rangers, you can do better than this! If you don’t step it up you’ll be taking the piss!</em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Isn’t that, like, a British thing?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I’m part British.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, are you really?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Quick, say something British.”</p>
<p>“What do you want me to say?”</p>
<p>“Neil, c’mon, anything. Just say something.”</p>
<p>“Something.”</p>
<p>“Okay, now say ‘I love you, Nicky,’ but, like, British.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Nicky.”</p>
<p>“<em>God, Neil, you make me want to die</em>.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil worked on his drills and ignored the other Vixens’ conversations about their love lives until they dragged him into it.</p>
<p>Sighing, he stood from his splits and started working on stretches with the rest of them, touching his toes without bending his knees and breathing, breathing.</p>
<p>“Neil, really, no girls?”</p>
<p>“No.” <em>Deep breath</em> <em>in. </em><em>Deep breath out. </em> </p>
<p>“Boys?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Ever?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t really have the opportunity or interest.” <em>In. Out.</em></p>
<p>“But you do now!”</p>
<p>Neil didn’t answer.</p>
<p>Heather pushed out a heavy sigh, straightening from her stretch. Neil held on, though the ache in his calves was growing—but not unbearable. “You’re missing out on half your life, Neil.”</p>
<p>“I thought people weren’t supposed to make their lives revolve around their romantic partners.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I used to think you weren’t a virgin.” <em>In twothreefour out twothreefour.</em></p>
<p>“What does that matter?”</p>
<p>“Whatever, Neil.”</p>
<p>“Whatever, Heather.”</p>
<p>Neil straightened from his stretch as soon as she walked away. Mostly the Vixens practiced on a field not in use or in the gymnasium, and today was the soccer field. For a second he thought he would look up and see Andrew somewhere, watching from the stands or maybe right beside him, but it was just the Vixens and Neil, and he didn’t understand why he thought about Andrew—but maybe he wanted to.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Me and Rae are going out to buy Christmas presents, do you want to come?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Most of Neil’s money after he ran from the Ravens came from pickpocketing and stealing. It was a skill he had to learn quick, and it was a skill he couldn’t really utilize at school if he wanted to maintain friendships and respect, and his scholarship didn’t give him pocket money.</p>
<p>He’d had about a thousand dollars when he joined the Vixens, and his frugal living only dwindled him down to five hundred in the seven months he’d been with them. Mostly Rae and Penny bought his clothes, and Andrew bought his food when they went out on Fridays (what was up with that?), and he bought the cheap toiletries. But now that Neil was going to be dead in five months, he didn’t see what the point was of trying to save his money.</p>
<p>He didn’t have a lot of people to buy gifts for, but he had a few.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Don’t you think homemade gifts are nice?” Penny asked while she led them into a craft store.</p>
<p>“I don’t really know what to make.”</p>
<p>“Haven’t you been cross-stitching with Rae?”</p>
<p>Neil shrugged.</p>
<p>“If you don’t know what to get someone, make them something.”</p>
<p>“How am I supposed to get you and Rae something if you’re in the store with me?”</p>
<p>Penny and Rae laughed and pinched his cheeks and cooed about how cute he was, but they didn’t answer his question.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil found Andrew idly throwing pennies in the fountain in the middle of campus.</p>
<p>“Making wishes?” Neil asked as soon as he reached Andrew’s side.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Andrew offered up a fist in Neil’s direction, and Neil opened his palm. Andrew dropped half the pennies in his hand into Neil’s open hand. They were already wet, and Neil realized that Andrew had scooped up the pennies already in the fountain and was tossing them back in.</p>
<p>Neil copied him until there were no pennies left, and then they walked back to Fox Tower together. When Neil tried to get off on the second floor, Andrew stopped him and brought him up to his room.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil sat on the couch and watched Nicky and Aaron play video games while Andrew smoked and Kevin read until he fell asleep.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There were no more games until after Christmas. Rae and Penny offered to bring Neil home with them for Christmas vacation, but Neil declined. He gave them their handmade gifts before they left—a poorly painted picture of a fox and another poorly painted picture of a fox in a different pose, framed and framed—and they hugged him and gave him his presents—a deck of cards featuring their favorite k-drama cast and some glow in the dark thread for his cross-stitches—and left him.</p>
<p>Neil spent the first day of Christmas vacation finishing the rest of his presents. He didn’t even know which of the Foxes were still on campus, but he hoped the ones who mattered as he went up one flight of stairs and knocked first on Matt and Seth’s door.</p>
<p>“Neil!” Matt greeted happily upon opening the door.</p>
<p>Neil held up the present he made for Matt. He didn’t wrap any of them, much to Penny and Rae’s chagrin.</p>
<p>“Oh shit, what? A present? Dude.” Matt stared down at the 4 x 4 inch canvas with a cross-stitched image on it: the word Boyd, followed by his number, followed by a cutely rendered exy racket.</p>
<p>“Dude,” Matt said again, a little more emotional.</p>
<p>“Have a good Christmas.” Neil turned to go to Dan, Allison, and Renee’s room before Matt had even closed the door.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>For Dan he made a cross-stitch that said “Rat bastard” with a heart border and a cutesy rat on the bottom. For Allison he gave her the bottle of homemade apple cider he, Penny, and Rae had attempted to make last week. For Renee he found a small angel figurine made out of buttons.</p>
<p>After another emotional thank you from the girls, Neil went to Andrew’s room.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, man, we’re going to be in Columbia for Christmas and I thought it was implied you’d be there?” Nicky said as soon as Neil revealed the reason for his visit.</p>
<p>“Oh. Well, you can take these now, anyways.” Neil splayed his gifts for all but Andrew on the kitchen counter: Nicky, a bag of homemade cookies, and Kevin, a shitty baseball pin. Nothing for Aaron.</p>
<p>“Where’s Andrew?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Dunno,” Nicky said around a mouthful of cookie.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil saw a bloom of smoke billowing off the roof when he had ventured outside to search for Andrew and turned back around.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Any hope at not alerting Andrew to his presence was ruined as he tried to finagle his way through the door that he was clearly not allowed to go through.</p>
<p>Andrew was sitting near the edge and staring down, his pack of cigarettes and a bottle of alcohol beside him.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you cold?” Neil asked. Andrew didn’t answer. Neil moved to stand beside him. “I have something for you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want it.”</p>
<p>Neil dropped the gift onto Andrew’s lap anyways. After a moment, Andrew picked up the two pieces of black fabric, identical to the ones he had on his arms already.</p>
<p>“Thoughtful,” Andrew drawled, and Neil rolled his eyes. Careful not to infringe too much in Andrew’s space, Neil leaned down and grabbed one of the armbands. He felt along the fabric until he found what he was looking for, and then held it up so Andrew could see.</p>
<p>Stitched on the end of the armband that would rest near Andrew’s elbow was a two-inch green stem with a sunflower at the end, blocky and amateur but undoubtedly a genuine attempt at the flower.</p>
<p>Andrew didn’t say anything, but Neil hadn’t expected him to. “I did much better on the other one,” Neil explained as he dropped the armband he had in his hand back onto Andrew’s lap. “I’ve never stitched on anything that wasn’t an obvious canvas for a cross-stitch, but I thought you’d like these better that what I did for Dan or Matt.”</p>
<p>Andrew remained silent. Neil smiled. </p>
<p>“Anyways, apparently I’m spending Christmas with you? So come and get me when it’s time to go.”</p>
<p>Andrew flicked his fingers at Neil without looking up.</p>
<p>“Why do you like it up here, anyways?” Neil asked, taking a step back to leave. He shivered at the sudden gust of chill that had a hint of snow.</p>
<p>Andrew reached for his bottle and took a long pull. “A good place to feel.”</p>
<p>Neil scoffed. “What, cold?”</p>
<p>“Anything.”</p>
<p>Neil rolled his eyes at Andrew’s dramatics, but then he thought back to the few out-of-state games they’d been to, the ones requiring a plane ride, and suddenly Andrew’s constant energy on those flights felt less like impatience and more like nerves.</p>
<p>“Ah.” Neil took a few steps closer to the edge and looked down. “A long way down,” he mused, and then turned back and grinned at Andrew.</p>
<p>Andrew glared back. “I could push you.”</p>
<p>“I could drag you with me.”</p>
<p>“Get the fuck away from me.”</p>
<p>Neil straightened, still smiling, and started to move toward the door without looking back. “Merry Christmas, Andrew,” he called, and let the hollow smack of the door closing behind him drown out whatever response Andrew would have given, if he said anything at all.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew didn’t wear the new armbands until Christmas day, and he rotated the sleeves until the sunflower rested on the inside of his arm, so no one would see them, so no one would know except him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Dan the man! Dan the man! Dan the man! Dan the man! DAN THE MAN! DAN THE MAN! DAN THE MAN! DAN THE MAN! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How short the gaps are closing, how bad the Cats are losing! You want to beat the Foxes? You’ve got to quit your bruising!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Wilds is wild is mild is good, but if you want to stay on her good side, stay away from Boyd! </em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil! Fun chant today!”</p>
<p>“Dan the man?”</p>
<p>“Dan the man!”</p>
<p>“Dan the man!”</p>
<p>“Dan the man!”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Penny, Rae, and Neil were watching an unidentifiable black bug creep its way across the sidewalk in front of the tower.</p>
<p>“I’ve never in my life seen a bug like this,” Rae said.</p>
<p>“Is that its face? Its butt? It’s disgusting,” Penny said.</p>
<p>“Neil, touch it,” Rae demanded.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Neil, <em>touch it.</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>No.</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes.</em>”</p>
<p>Suddenly—a crunch, wet and loud, and the bug was dead under a big black boot.</p>
<p>The girls squealed and Neil looked up and met Andrew’s uninterested gaze. Maintaining eye contact, Andrew dragged his foot along the sidewalk, creating more popping wet sounds and more squeals from Penny and Rae.</p>
<p>Neil laughed.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew hated everything about everything, but he didn’t hate that.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil hadn’t realized there was a winter banquet for the exy team because no one had invited him: not Matt, not Dan, not Andrew, not Kevin. Neil was confused why no one had mentioned the banquet to him until after it was over and Nicky admitted that no one wanted Neil to have to face Riko again.</p>
<p>“We just prefer it when you’re safe,” Nicky told him, and then tried to give him a hug, which Neil stepped out of range for.</p>
<p>Neil also hadn’t acknowledged how quiet Riko had been since the fall banquet, since he found out where Neil was hiding (or rather, wasn’t hiding anymore).</p>
<p>“We’ll see him again in March,” Kevin told him when Neil admitted to being uncomfortable by the silence from his “owners.” “We’re playing the Ravens in March, and I’m sure Riko will have something for us by then.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Today was Neil’s birthday. He didn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t care, but he was alive another day, and it was another day closer to May.</p>
<p>But for now, he was alive.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When Neil opened his locker to change into his uniform, he found his summer outfit hanging prim from the bar and his winter uniform cut to shreds at the bottom.</p>
<p>“What the fuck?” Bracken, a fellow Vixen, asked after he realized that Neil had been staring at his locker instead of going to the showers to change. He came up behind him and saw the mess of Neil’s uniform. “Did you do that?”</p>
<p>Annoyed, Neil snapped, “Why would I do that?” He wanted to use the anger to dampen his fear, wanted to pretend that it was one of the Vixens who mutilated his uniform, but Neil felt sick, and he felt sure that none of the Vixens had done this.</p>
<p>“Well, who did?” Bracken snapped back, and Neil debated not going to the game because he didn’t want to wear the summer uniform, didn’t want to borrow another uniform, didn’t want anyone to see, couldn’t <em>breathe</em>—</p>
<p>Swallowing hard, Neil pushed down his growing fear and yanked the tank top and shorts off the hanger.</p>
<p>If someone wanted to play games with him, fine. He’d been playing games his whole life.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, Jesus, it’s forty degrees out, what the fuck?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Neil, I can see your nipples through your shirt, and you are cutting diamonds. Where’s your winter uniform?”</p>
<p>“Penny. Stop.”</p>
<p>“And what the fuck? What is that on your shoulder? Did someone <em>hit </em>you with an iron?”</p>
<p>“<em>Penny. </em>Please.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”  </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil was too distracted to formulate a good cheer for the Foxes today. He kept looking over his shoulder, stumbling through his routines, not even enough in him to fake a smile. The Vixens were staring at the scars they could see around the tank top: the burn on his shoulder, the slash on his collarbone, one corner of the gunshot. Neil wanted to peel his skin off.</p>
<p>But he buried whatever was rising in his throat and steeled his features and did his job, and he was almost so focused he didn’t notice that the other team’s cheerleaders were chanting his name.</p>
<p>
  <em>Junior’s a big shot, Junior’s playing with stars, he thought he could hide forever, but he can’t hide the scars!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Run away, little boy, run away fast! But you can’t run forever, can’t run from your past!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s blood in the water, Junior, my son! There’s blood in the water, and you can’t run from a gun! </em>
</p>
<p>In the stands, a gunshot, and people started screaming.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew stared at Neil while pandemonium broke loose in the stands. He should have followed his family into the locker rooms, away from the crowds, but as soon as Andrew realized the other team’s chants were a specific sort of torment for a specific sort of person, he had stepped away from his goal, not caring about the game, and searched for Neil, only to find him standing stock and still in the midst of the Vixens with a blank expression, a summer outfit in a winter month, raised skin from horrible wounds and eyes so wide. He didn’t even flinch when the gun went off.</p>
<p>Andrew watched as Neil dropped the stupid pompoms he flailed every game and sprinted toward the exit.</p>
<p>Andrew wondered if this was the last time he would see Neil.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil wanted to run away. He wanted to just…not be here so badly that as soon as he took off from the stadium he knew he would have ran forever.</p>
<p>But the cold winter air burned his lungs and slowed Neil down and forced him to think about the people in his life now, the reason he had decided to stay for so long, why he hadn’t been scared despite the odds stacked against him.</p>
<p>Neil was always going to die. He was always living on borrowed time, since the moment he was born and his father decided Neil was an asset to sell. He would die if he was on the run or he would die if he stayed at Palmetto.</p>
<p>It didn’t matter where he went.</p>
<p>Neil was going to die.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Around midnight, the door behind Andrew opened and Neil sat beside him. He didn’t take a cigarette but he dragged a deep breath in when Andrew blew out smoke.</p>
<p>“It was a blank,” Neil said, as if Andrew cared. “No one died.” Andrew took another drag from his cigarette, saying nothing. “And the other cheerleaders were paid off to perform the cheer. They didn’t know about the gun.”</p>
<p>Andrew remained silent until his cigarette was gone. “Whose turn was it tonight?” he asked, flicking the butt into the still night air.</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“The cheer.”</p>
<p>“Aaron.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>“Good, because I lied. Fuck Aaron.”</p>
<p>“And here I thought you liked all the Foxes.”</p>
<p>“And here I thought you wanted Aaron in your life.”</p>
<p>Andrew raised a brow, wondering why Neil would suddenly say something like that. “Why won’t you let him be with Katelyn?” Neil asked, derailing the conversation away from him. “And don’t give me that look. I’m on a team with <em>Katelyn. </em>You think I don’t know what they do?”</p>
<p>Andrew went still. “And what do they do?”</p>
<p>“Curse your name, perform rituals to banish you back to the Nether, make out sometimes.” A long pause, and then Neil continued, “Andrew, seriously. If you want Aaron to stay, you gotta let him go. It’s not really a joke that they curse your name.”</p>
<p>“I do not care if Aaron hates me.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you should.”</p>
<p>“I can see why so many people want to kill you.”</p>
<p>“Maybe if you finish the job now, there won’t be so much torture involved.”</p>
<p>“Shut up. I hate you.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“I should have slit your throat when I had the chance.”</p>
<p>“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”</p>
<p>“Get the fuck away from me.”</p>
<p>Neil huffed a laugh, but he left.</p>
<p>Good.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil wasn’t sure how Penny and Rae would react the next day, but despite a more somber tone and some considering looks at Neil’s baggy sweater, they didn’t treat him any different, and they didn’t ask any questions.</p>
<p>He didn’t expect the same from the other Vixens, and they pounced as soon as the next practice started, but Neil didn’t open his mouth and Penny fielded the worst of the curious, and Neil was able to go home that night bumping shoulders with Penny with a lighter heart than he thought he’d have after a rough night and a horrible birthday.</p>
<p>“I’m glad we’re friends, Neil,” Penny said, curling into his side on the couch that night as they started another Korean drama, and Neil nodded.</p>
<p>“Me too, Penny.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The next Friday, Neil ushered three drunk people and Andrew into the Columbia house around one in the morning. He didn’t check to make sure Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin made it to their rooms okay—he assumed they did with the immediate quiet that descended as soon as he heard two doors close. Neil shuffled sleepily to the couch, but Andrew grabbed his wrist and tugged him to his bedroom.</p>
<p>As soon as the door clicked softly behind him, Andrew gestured to Neil’s shirt.</p>
<p>“What?” Neil asked. His heart, strangely, started beating just a little bit faster. Andrew hadn’t turned the light on. The only light illuminating the room came from the moon, filtering through the open blinds. Looking at Andrew in that light, Neil found he had a hard time taking a breath.</p>
<p>“I want to see your scars.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Neil took his shirt off before he had time to think about it, and Andrew took inventory of the slashes and wounds, most from Riko but a fair amount from life on the run and an infancy with his father.</p>
<p>Andrew took a step forward and placed calloused palms on Neil’s chest, fingers tracing scars. Neil focused on the sound of his breathing; it was the only thing he could hear, anyway.</p>
<p>“I can feel your heartbeat,” Andrew said, his voice low and quiet. His hands were on Neil’s abdomen now, and they felt less clinical and more wandering.</p>
<p>Neil waited until Andrew stopped looking at his scars and met his gaze. Matching his tone, Neil whispered, “Are you going to do something about it?”</p>
<p>Andrew dropped his hands. “No.”</p>
<p>Neil stared at Andrew’s lips. “Why not?”</p>
<p>“Because you’re drunk.”</p>
<p>“I don’t drink.”</p>
<p>“Because I’m drunk.”</p>
<p>“You know you’re limits.”</p>
<p>“Because I haven’t heard an actual yes.”</p>
<p>Something wondering in Neil’s chest softened. He smiled gently. “What did we do to deserve you, Andrew Minyard?”</p>
<p>Andrew scowled, taking a step back. “Shut up.”</p>
<p>“Kiss me.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Andrew braced a hand on Neil’s jaw and kissed him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Get out of my room.”</p>
<p>“You dragged me in here.”</p>
<p>“Get out.”</p>
<p>“Where’s my shirt?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>
  <em>Renee Walker’s been called the Joan of Exy, but she just blocked them all? By god, that’s so sexy!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who’s afraid of the big bad Wolves? Not Foxes, not Vixens, not Donners or Blitzens—come on, Foxes, let’s beat them in droves! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Renee’s doing so good, she’s killing it tonight! Keep it up, Walker, we don’t want to see Minyard the rest of the night! </em>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“You just couldn’t resist bringing up Minyard, could you?”</p>
<p>“He’s cute when he’s angry.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Monday night, Andrew pushed Neil against the wall beside the vending machines on the second floor and kissed him.</p>
<p>Tuesday night, Andrew dragged Neil up the roof and pushed him down on the cold concrete, hot palms running up and down Neil’s torso while Andrew straddled his hips and kissed him.</p>
<p>Wednesday night, Andrew let Neil put his hands in his hair and hummed into his mouth while he kissed him.</p>
<p>Thursday night, Andrew didn’t come to find Neil and Neil spent the night attempting to cook homemade mac and cheese with Penny.</p>
<p>Friday night, Andrew pulled Neil to a wall on the outskirts of the dancefloor and put his hands in Neil’s back pockets so they could stand chest to chest as he kissed him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A day in mid-February and Kevin apologized: “I’m sorry I brought you here.”</p>
<p>Neil was in one of the bean bag chairs in Andrew’s room. He had been playing video games with Nicky, who had disappeared to the bathroom. Aaron was probably out with Katelyn and Andrew was in his room, and Kevin sat on the couch.</p>
<p>“I’m not,” Neil eventually replied. They didn’t attempt to communicate to each other again that night.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It was the beginning of March and they were on the roof and Neil was peppering kisses on Andrew’s lips every few seconds and Andrew was letting him.</p>
<p>“Stop,” Andrew eventually murmured, and Neil pulled back and smiled before looking out toward campus. He had been refusing to think about the Ravens game tomorrow, distracting himself with Foxes and Vixens and Andrew, but it was time for Neil to stop running.</p>
<p>“Hey,” said softly, turning to Andrew. Andrew did not look back. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>Neil shrugged, and then tapped a gentle finger, once, on the back of Andrew’s hand. Andrew jerked his hand away. “Everything.”</p>
<p>Andrew scowled but still refused to look at Neil. “How have you survived this long when you’re this stupid?”</p>
<p>Neil smiled, but there wasn’t any joy in it. Thankfully, because Andrew wasn’t looking, he didn’t see. “I don’t think I will for much longer.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After Neil left that night, Andrew stayed on the roof and smoked and drank and wondered why he hadn’t promised Neil he would protect him. Perhaps then Neil wouldn’t always sound like he was about to leave. Perhaps then Neil wouldn’t be so resigned to die.</p>
<p>Perhaps then Andrew would get to keep him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil was quiet while he got ready for their game tonight, but none of the Vixens commented on it. Neil was always quiet.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Kevin mumbled quietly to himself while they stepped out on the field to meet the Ravens, and Andrew immediately looked to the Vixens to see how Neil was fairing.</p>
<p>He was in the midst of helping his roommate, Penny, though a stretch, face impassive, focusing on nothing but what he was doing. Andrew didn’t know which former Raven was reacting worse.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Who’s the cheer for today?” Kendra asked.</p>
<p>Neil didn’t answer. He didn’t have one.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Riko grinned at Neil when he spotted him before the game started. Neil wasn’t afraid, but he felt like maybe he should be.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The Foxes were struggling to keep up, Andrew was struggling to keep pace, and everyone in the stands was wondering why everything felt so tense when this was the game they had been waiting for since the moment Kevin left the Raven’s shadow.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Ten minutes before halftime, the Ravens’ cheer team fell into a three-point formation and began chanting so low that no one could understand what they were saying at first. In a low, slow crescendo, they kept chanting and chanting, just one word, until it was the only thing heard on the field, the game stopped, the crowds hushed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. RUN. RUN. RUN. RUN. RUN. RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!</em>
</p>
<p>There was a commotion on the Fox’s side of the stands, and that’s when the screaming started.</p>
<p>The Ravens never stopped chanting.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There were so many people, and they were everywhere—the stands, the field, the parking lot, and they were all panicking and running and trying to get away. Wymack ushered the Foxes into the locker room, and as soon as Andrew saw Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin where they were supposed to be, he ran outside to the Vixens, hoping he was fast enough.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil wanted to run to the locker room with the Foxes. He had grabbed Penny’s hand and was going to drag her with him, but just as he grasped her and tugged, something crashed into Neil’s stomach, and he lost his breath and dropped Penny’s hand.</p>
<p>“Hiya, Junior,” someone said above him, and Neil closed his eyes. He hoped Lola wouldn’t hurt Penny.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, are you—? Neil, get up, we have to go.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Who the fuck are you?”</p>
<p>“Penny, it’s okay.”</p>
<p>“No, Neil, it’s <em>not</em>.”</p>
<p>“It’s time to go, Junior.”</p>
<p>“Neil, <em>stop. </em>What are you doing? Why are you doing this?”</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Penny. Thank you for letting me join the Vixens.”</p>
<p>“Aw, how sweet.”</p>
<p>“Neil, is this really how you want things to end? You’re just going to leave? You’re not even going to fight back?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A gun was suddenly pressed to Penny’s temple, and the blood drained from her face. People were swarming around them, the rest of the Vixens gone. No one noticed the gun. Neil met Penny’s frightened gaze and said, “No.”</p>
<p>Romero dropped the gun. Penny stumbled away from him.</p>
<p>Neil walked away.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Someone crashed into Andrew with a little more purpose than an accidental jostling. Andrew readied to shove them the fuck away from him when he recognized the blonde hair and velvet scrunchie.</p>
<p>“Where is he?” he demanded, and Penny shook her head. Her lips were bloodless, her eyes were bloodshot, and tears were streaming down her face. “Where is he?” Andrew asked again, but Penny kept shaking her head, tears falling faster, and Andrew’s hands wrapped around her throat.</p>
<p>Penny gasped.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>By the time Andrew made it outside of the stadium, it was too late.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“You’re supposed to have a number here, aren’t you, Junior?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“You weren’t supposed to be our problem anymore.”</p>
<p>“Then let me go.”</p>
<p>“Too bad, isn’t it, Junior? If you had just stayed, maybe you wouldn’t have to die right now.”</p>
<p>Neil spit in her face. Lola laughed and readied the lighter.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There was so much pain and so much blood and Neil couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be fighting for anymore. He couldn’t remember why he held on for so long, why he had decided that he just had to stay alive until May. What was Neil fighting for? What was he doing? Why was he here?</p>
<p>He couldn’t feel his hands anymore, even with whatever Lola was doing to them behind his seat. He had tugged so hard on the handcuffs that the circulation was gone.</p>
<p>Lola was saying something to him, something about what she’d do to his body, but Neil couldn’t focus on her words. He decided to spend his final moments thinking about the Vixens, who had taken him in when he had nothing left; the Foxes, who had accepted him despite himself; and Andrew, who had allowed Neil to have him for however long they had.</p>
<p>He thought about Andrew’s eyes and hands and voice and lips until the pain became too much, until Lola pressed a cloth to his mouth and he passed out, until there was nothing left inside of him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Neil said nothing when they brought him downstairs. Nothing when they tied him to a chair. Nothing when his father came in. Nothing when his father kicked him hard in the chest, knocking over the chair and bringing Neil with it.</p>
<p>Nothing as his father stood over him, cleaver glinting to match his eyes.</p>
<p>“Any last words?” his father sneered, and Neil supposed he did have one last thing to say.</p>
<p>“Any last words?” he wheezed, and there was enough in him to make his last words mocking.</p>
<p>Nathan’s smirk didn’t falter. He brought the cleaver down.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Something barreled into Nathan the moment before his cleaver took off Neil’s hand at the wrist. There was the sound of gunshots, screaming, fighting. Neil passed out.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When he woke up again, he was in the back of an ambulance, and he still couldn’t feel his hands. His consciousness faded in and out while they stitched his wounds and tried to tell him everything was okay, he was safe now, but Neil wasn’t so sure.</p>
<p>When he woke again, a little more lucid, there were officers waiting beside his bedside and he was handcuffed to his bed.</p>
<p>“Um?” he asked, jangling the cuff.</p>
<p>“In case you try anything.”</p>
<p>“Try <em>what</em>? I haven’t done anything wrong.” Literally all Neil had ever done was run away—he didn’t have any fake IDs because he didn’t have any connections that could forge documents for him. Perhaps they could arrest him for all that he’d stolen over the years, but there wasn’t any paper trail that lead to who he stole from and when. So what did they have on him? “I was literally sold into slavery as a child and when I decided to run away, my captors chased me. What the fuck do you think I’m going to do <em>now</em> that you have to handcuff me after I’ve been tortured?”</p>
<p>The agents didn’t say anything and didn’t remove the handcuffs. Neil huffed. “Whatever. What do you want?”</p>
<p>“Anything you have on the Moriyamas.”</p>
<p>“Oh, great.”</p>
<p>Neil was in for a long night.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He told them what he could and hoped it was enough, and they told him that his father’s men, after being demoted and shamed, had tried to carve out the Moriyamas themselves in an attempt to recover their lost power. Most of the dirty work had been done by the Wesninskis, but they were desperate to have their revenge on Nathaniel, so they made hasty mistakes that lead to their demise this night.</p>
<p><em>Good</em>, Neil thought. At least something had gone his way.</p>
<p>They tried to convince him to join the Witness Protections Program, but Neil refused.</p>
<p>“You don’t have a lot of options, kid. If you don’t join, you’ll die.”</p>
<p>“Okay, then, why don’t you just do your fucking job and take down the Moriyamas and then I won’t die?”</p>
<p>“That’s not really how it works.”</p>
<p>“Then make it so that’s how it works.”</p>
<p>“Nathaniel.”</p>
<p>“<em>Neil.</em>”</p>
<p>There was a glaring contest, and Neil settled in for another long night. Neil had played this game before. He could play it again.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>They let Neil leave the hospital with official papers that made his name Neil Josten, a real live boy, and told him to get the fuck out.</p>
<p>Neil wasn’t sure where he should go first—to see Penny or see the Foxes, but as soon as he reached Fox Tower (he had to walk, of course, since he didn’t have a car or a phone to call anyone), he went right to Andrew’s room.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, Neil!” Nicky said as soon as he opened the door. “Oh my god! What—oh my god.” Nicky looked sick. Did Neil really look so bad? At least he was alive.</p>
<p>“Hey. Where’s Andrew?”</p>
<p>“Wymack won’t let him out of his sight.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“He’s…a bit violent right now.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Can you tell everyone I’m okay?”</p>
<p>“Neil, you don’t really look okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Tell everyone that the bleeding stopped ten hours ago and I have pills to help with the pain.”</p>
<p>Nicky closed his eyes. “I really don’t want to hear jokes from you right now.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Tell everyone I said hi.”</p>
<p>“<em>Neil.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’ll see you later, Nicky.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It took a minute until he found where Wymack was keeping Andrew. Turns out, it was his office. Neil had Belinda lead him there after he went to tell her he wouldn’t be able to cheer for a few days and she gave him a hug that he didn’t return.</p>
<p>He knocked on the door of Wymack’s office, and a grunt replied. Neil opened the door to silence.</p>
<p>Wymack seemed a little shocked at his entrance, and a sound in the corner alerted Neil to where Andrew had been: sitting on the floor, staring at nothing. There wasn’t even a bottle of whiskey or a packet of cigarettes to distract him. It was just Andrew and Wymack, and then it was Andrew and Wymack and Neil, and Andrew was standing up and Wymack was telling him to be careful and Neil was suddenly pushed against the wall, Andrew’s hand heavy on his chest.</p>
<p>“Ow,” Neil said lightly, though nothing really hurt more than it had all day and he was smiling.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew thought maybe he’d feel like he could breathe again when he saw Neil, but it was worse, it was so much worse.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew tore off the bandages on Neil’s face and Neil let him. Wymack made a slight disapproving sound but didn’t move to intercept the two boys reunited. Andrew stared and stared and clenched his fists at his side, and Neil reached down and gently pried Andrew’s fingers apart.</p>
<p>Andrew let him, and then he didn’t fight back when Neil laced their fingers together with bandaged hands.</p>
<p>“Hi,” he whispered, but Andrew just stared at his face.</p>
<p>“Maybe you ought to take him to Abby, Andrew,” Wymack said after a while.</p>
<p>Andrew led him out the door.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Aren’t you going to say anything?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Oh my god! Neil!”</p>
<p>“Hey, Abby.”</p>
<p>“Sit, sit! Oh my god.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I need to go see Penny.”</p>
<p>“She will not be happy to see me.”</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t have to come with.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Neil, oh my god!”</p>
<p>“Hey, Penny. I’ll be sitting out a few practices, hope that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, Neil, what the fuck? What is going on?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Andrew hadn’t let go of Neil’s hand for a while now; not since Neil had grabbed it as soon as they left Abby’s and walked around to all the Foxes. Most everyone stared in shock but took one look at Andrew’s face and didn’t say anything. Only Nicky couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and Kevin pursed his lips at the sight, but mostly the Foxes were too shocked at the state Neil was in to worry about whoever was or wasn’t in his hand.</p>
<p>Eventually, they made their way to the roof, and Andrew sat Neil down and roamed his hands across his body as soon as they settled, as if checking for more wounds.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Neil told him, a small smile on his lips. He didn’t stop Andrew.</p>
<p>“Excuse me if I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>“What happened to Penny’s throat?”</p>
<p>“She didn’t try to stop you.”</p>
<p>“She did.”</p>
<p>“She didn’t try hard enough.” Andrew’s tone was hard and his hands stopped moving, just stopped on his chest and stayed there.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Neil said after a while. “I’m fine now, see? And the worst of them is gone, right? If I can survive my father, I can survive anything.”</p>
<p>Andrew moved his hands up to Neil’s throat, as if to choke him, too. Neil smiled when Andrew met his gaze. “See?” he whispered again. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“I fucking hate you,” Andrew said, and then he dropped his hands and moved minutely away from Neil. Neil laughed and grabbed Andrew’s hand, and Andrew laced their fingers together.</p>
<p>So Neil wasn’t completely safe, like Andrew wanted him to be. So he wasn’t good at exy, like he had been sold to be.</p>
<p>He ended up finding a place to belong anyways, and he found people who wanted him just for who he was, real or otherwise.</p>
<p>So maybe Neil didn’t know all there was about Andrew, about the Vixens, about himself, and maybe he wouldn’t have as much time as he wanted to figure everything out (unless the FBI did their fucking job).</p>
<p>Neil was here now.</p>
<p>And that was enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>but did you laugh tho???? and how bout them cheers, huh? i hate myself</p></blockquote></div></div>
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